The wayside (and the things that live there) has come home to roost. I have gotten my first official loan payment bill. It is a beaut rolling in at a hefty 389 dollars and some random about of cents. To make things just a tad more complicated, I've lost my pin for the loan website and was unable to check the due date of my lovely bill. I finally called, out of frustration with site and my inability to request or reset my pin. Luckily for me (the only thing lucky in the this situation) was the fact I reached a very nice person with the loan company.
December 7th. That was the due date. Huh. Since that is less than a week away, and I am poor, that wasn't/isn't going to happen. Enter the helpful loan person. I got a temporary reprieve with a forbearance until February 7th. Helpful in that I don't have to really worry until then. Less helpful, the interest continues to grow. Plus, as a bonus, I have a load of paperwork coming my way that I have to fill out in an attempt to find a way that I can afford to pay back the loans and manage to feed myself...and keep my kitties in kibble.
In the end, the idea that seemed most...workable for me would give me a payment of roughly 100 bucks a month. This I could probably manage. Especially with a second job. So, I felt pretty proud of myself for finding a solution without having a melt down and calling my parents crying. Probably a pathetic thing to do at 25. Anyway, the next day I spoke to my dad. Who, once I explained what I had learned, pointed out that my $100 wouldn't even cover the interest and thus it would be like chucking money in the void of my debt monster/toilet.
Balloon of proudness and calm = popped.
While I wait for the paper, I try and remember to be grateful that I got an education and that I don't have as much debt as some of friends.
The most difficult, yet highly rewarding, lesson of life is that we must recognize and banish our sense of entitlement if our soul is to survive. Entitlement is a force making us think we deserve to have everything we want, to have our cake and eat it too. Never enough, it begins to eat us. Now, during debt crisis, would be a good time to take a look at that, M, now before you get old, like me. Release yourself from the bondage of wanting to have it all. I'm rootin' for you.
ReplyDeleteI find it incredibly tragic that in order to get a degree, most students are required to take out larger and larger loans. I think higher education is something everyone deserves, not just those that can "afford" it.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough job market to be in right now and most jobs require a degree. So it becomes very stressful to have to decide between buying groceries or putting gas in my car. So, it's not that I want it all... more that I want to have my basic needs fulfilled without falling further into debt.
Yes, I understand and regret the tragic cost of higher education and agree it is important to make it available to people who can't "afford" it.
ReplyDeleteTry to look forward, M, not back. What can you change now, what baby steps can you take toward greater financial stability? I'm sorry that it means difficult choices and even not having things you need. As I said yesterday, I'm rootin' for you.